Save the Neck for me Clark!

It may be the wrong attitude but I'm glad the holidays are over. I found myself thinking, "Didn't we just do this last month?" Why are Thanksgiving and Christmas so close anyway? There are family members I only see twice a year and it occurs approximately 30 days apart. It's crazy--not to mention poor planning. The Griswold family Christmas happened at our house again this year. Besides the Urinator, we had another special guest--the Crapper. All things considered, it went pretty smoothly. The only blip on the screen was my crazy grandmother's statement, "Is everyone sitting down? I have an announcement to make!" You can't imagine the amount of fear and trepidation that ran through my entire body at that moment. Turns out she went out with a black man which shouldn't be an issue, but it was unfortunately. I think we were just glad it wasn't something crazy like showing off a new boob-job or moving in next door.

Have you ever noticed how everyone has different expectations of what "family" should look like? But it's not just "family," It's everything connected to "family"--holidays, traditions, conflict resolution, etc. Then everyone gets married and their spouses join in with all of their expectations of "family." So what have you got? A big, honk'n, cornucopia of expectations. Sounds a lot like church doesn't it? A Mosaic window can be a beautiful thing when it's all put together but the secret is in the space between the different colors of shard glass. I imagine the space is symbolic of grace/love in our relationships. Sometimes I have to be willing to put my expectations aside for the greater good of the relationship. Sometimes it's compromise. Sometimes it's planting spirit-led seeds that may one day produce a spirit-led harvest in your relationship. I say Spirit-led because there's a fine line between leading others into God's future and obvious "fullness," and pulling folks to your idea of the "promised" relationship or family. Some might call it manipulation, others call it sin and still others call it good intentions.

The Church Can Really Suck Sometimes

I saw a church sign that made me angry last night. It said...
Come home for Christmas...Backsliders!

Can you just feel the love? Why would anyone want to come
back with an invitation like that?

Update

I have to go to a certified counselor who will report back to the conference relations committee concerning my fitness for ministry. I have to submit a written plan for how I will spend my Leave of Absence. We have to pay the district $500.00 a month rent because the $100,000.00 that they will make when they sell the house isn't enough. I get to go back and meet with the conference relations committee in April or May to see if they'll approve my reentry into the conference. Do I sound bitter? I'm totally bitter. My name is Dan and I have anger issues. Some might say the anger is a part of my grieving over the death of the church and the hard, fought battle to make it work. I would agree, but I'm also pissed at my DS, the district trustees, the conference relations committee, the dysfunctional system of my denomination, stupid church people who crapped all over us and tried to put a super-spiritual spin on their reasoning, Taco Bell for discontinuing the "taco-light," my parents for making me where "husky" pants when I was young, and the weather for being freak'n cold with no snow!

With that out of my system, I am grateful for the time of renewal, time with my wife, time to spend reading and reflecting and time to learn more about effective ministry. I'm thankful for God's peace. In the middle of this storm of transition there is a calm that God has brought to our home. Every once in a while we step out of the bubble and freak out about all of the uncertainty, but God usually sends us a gentle reminder that the bubble is far better. I usually hear something like, "Are you stupid? Get back in here where it's warm...calm...peaceful. Fix your eyes on me, not on the circumstances and details or lack there of. Trust me!"

A Blast from the Past

So my wife is this really great teacher right? I mean hands down she is the best. We just found out this morning that the gunman from the Columbus nightclub shooting was one of her former students. I emailed her a little while ago and encouraged her to try and steer her kids in a more positive direction than in the past.

Recent Learnings

We went to the Steven Curtis Chapman, Casting Crowns, Chris Tomlin concert at the Nutter Center on Saturday. It was a great time of worship and God had a few reminders for me in the mix.

1. He is making all things new!
2. He uses the little guy.
3. Expect the unexpected.
4. Dream Dreams that are beyond you!
5. Where have I fixed my eyes/attention?

Then we went to the Christmas musical at my parent's church. It was great! There were about 3 really talented people and a lot of willing bodies who volunteered to help tell the story and be a blessing. True bliss came as you looked past the front row to watch the guys trying to sing and dance without falling down. It was awesome! I was reminded that...

1. God is a God of miracles.
2. God's timing is the perfect timing.

Two Bad Days and Counting...

Had a grand time at the Inquisition yesterday. I think I would have been treated with more respect had I committed adultery with the butcher's wife. I didn't realize I was being misunderstood until it was too late. The belligerent questioning continued in rapid succession until I thought to myself, "Is this a nightmare or some alternate universe?" I felt like the Vietnam Vet who got off the plane after his tour of duty and was smacked in the face by a tomato. How dare I call my appointment a "mess." Those are people you're talking about. How insensitive! Did I mention that I volunteered to take a Leave of Absence so the Cabinet would have more time to find an appointment for us. I volunteered to not get a paycheck and what's my reward? I got to spend an hour with a group of people who chewed me up because I didn't use their terminology, called their church irrelevant, and told them the truth about my situation (which was my first and greatest mistake). Did I tell you that the one guy slept through most of the meeting? A great time was had by all!

Had my first MRI this morning. The cramp quarters wasn't so bad, but the noise was deafening. Then came the shot of dye that felt like crap and made me nauseous which is a problem when you're stuck in that skinny tube. Where will the vomit go? They told me to let them know if I needed anything. I did....Nothing. Hello...Nothing. I began to sweat which is what I do right before I throw up. The cool air hit my sweat and I began to feel better.
A few moments ago the MRI center called to let me know they needed me to return at 2 pm for some more pictures because they didn't go low enough. "Oh, and we'll need to do the dye again." Lucky me!

I'm just not living right....

More of the Same

The church is officially closed. Come January 1st I will be on Leave of Absence. The rest of the story is somewhere out in never-never land waiting to unfold. The time off is good. Somewhere in my head and heart I believe that or maybe I just think it and don't really believe it. Somebody once wrote something about the value of time and how it heals stuff. This church has brought some much needed healing to my life, but in doing so it caused some deep wounds. I'm not sure who wins? Today, I drive to Columbus to participate in the great bureaucratic system of my denomination as they approve my LOA. My wife told me not to be mean to them. She said, "You don't want them to recommend anger-management counseling do you?" I suppose I don't.